A YEAR AGO TODAY

A year ago today, my dad, Michael William Conser passed away after a 2 1/2 year battle with terminal liver cancer.

There isn't a day that goes by that I am not saddened by the loss of my father and the void that is left with his passing. I think that the hardest part about losing him is not being able to call on him when I need a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen or for a sounding board on life's challenges and life's rewards. To this day, I have 5 different messages with his voice that I do not have the heart to delete. One is just asking me to call back, another is about how awful our 49ers were but how he was looking forward to seeing how the boy's "Cowgirls" were going to do. Another is a sweet message to my Nick about his accomplishments on the ball field. I am not sure when the day will come when I will have the ability to delete them, but for now they are here to stay.

Every time I watch our son Matthew walk, I am reminded of my dad. Matthew has the same "strut" that my dad had. We call it the "Conser Strut". It is with a little attitude, the feet pointed to the outside a bit and as you walk, your back is leaned a little and you kick your feet out a bit. There is just something about that walk. It is the walk of a Conser!

In our son Nick, I see my dad's strong-will and determination. By golly, my dad would not take anything from anyone if he felt that he was being wronged or that someone else was being wronged. Nick is the same way. My dad was a very loyal friend and would give the shirt off his back to a friend in need. Nick has inherited this quality as well.

I know that there will come a time when I will see him again. I also know that he is in a much better place and that he is no longer suffering. For that, I am grateful. It is often difficult to see the silver lining when it comes to losing a loved one, especially one soo young, but I do truly believe that there is one in his case.

Up until his last few days of life, my dad thought that he would be saved, like Job, in The Bible. He felt as though he would be healed physically and that life would resume as it had prior to his diagnosis. He may not be here with me today , but I know that the Lord saved him. He had the opportunity to right some of the wrongs that he had in his life. He had the opportunity to ask for forgiveness for the mistakes that he made and he had numerous spiritual experiences that allowed him to know that all would be well.

I had the opportunity to be with him during his last days and will forever cherish those memories. We laughed, we cried, we hugged and just enjoyed one anothers company. It was difficult at times seeing him the way that he was, but knowing that in the end he would no longer suffer, I was able to make it through.

I miss you dad and look forward to the day when I see you again..........